On the eve of conference

Tomorrow begins the 2010 FSA International Conference. I am strangely calm and nervous at the same time. I am speaking twice--the first is a presentation all on my own, on the topic of "Finding the RIGHT Adoptive Couple". This class is specifically for expectant parents who are in the process of making their adoption plan and choosing an adoptive couple. I expect it will be a small class, as there are far more birth parents in attendance than girls who are pregnant right now. But I have had the impression that I am supposed to teach this class, and so I feel that even if there's one person in the class, I am meant to touch that one person. My second session is a panel of adoptees, which should be a piece of cake. What makes it awesome is that my birthdad Jason will be there. He's presenting on a panel of birth fathers. AND my parents will be there! So I'll be in the middle of my own adoptive triad. The only thing that would complete it more is if my son and his parents were there too. Alas!

I have to be honest, dear reader, that I have been kind of out of it for awhile now, as far as the adoption world is concerned. I mean, I've been planning this conference, which is time consuming (though not as bad this year as it was last year), and I still do a fair amount of volunteer work. But I just sort of feel disconnected. I've heard that a lot of birthmoms go through this back and forth thing, as far as their involvement and passion for adoption activities. It's weird, hard to explain. With this conference, I feel like I'm going through the motions. And I'm sure it will be a great conference. But I'm also sure I could have done a lot more to make it even better.

Adoption is important to me. My adoption experiences are a critical part of my life. And I never want my passion for adoption advocacy to fade. I don't really understand what it is that I'm going through at the moment. Honestly, I'm hoping that the conference will revitalize me.

Beyond anything else, though, I am excited for the conference as a whole. I'm looking forward to a great weekend! And I hope to see many adoption-world friends there as well. =)