Thursday, July 2, 2009

Giving back

I had a conversation yesterday with a fellow birthmom. She apologized for "sound[ing] corny", then expressed her deep desire to 'give back' to birthmothers, because she received so much help and support during her own experience. Of course I wrote her back immediately to tell her that I feel the exact same way, and that I imagine a lot of women in our situation feel the same.

The adoption experience engenders a closeness among birth mothers. Not all birth mothers, of course, but there is a select group who are touched, affected, and changed by these experiences. It's this group in particular who I have found come back a few years later and want to help, volunteer, and give back in some way. I see them a lot through my own volunteer work.

I think that we recognize how very difficult the experience is. Placing a child for adoption is--almost without fail--the most difficult decision and action any of us have gone through. I doubt any of us could have done it alone. We have the support of parents or counselors or friends or ward members or fellow birth mothers in group or other support forums. Most of all, we have the support of our Heavenly Father. Without that support, it would be even more difficult to go through with this heart breaking choice.

And so we come back. We recognize the help that was given to us, and since we've been there, we know what it takes, and we want to give back, share the first hand wisdom that is limited to this select group. I've started thinking of it as the sisterhood of birthmoms. I like to think of it as a very elite group. =)

As I've worked with other birthmoms, particularly during the last six months, I've come to really appreciate what an amazing group they truly are. These are strong women. These are truly selfless women. They give of themselves ceaselessly. On days like today, I just have to take a step back and realize how priviledged I am to associate with these women.


  1. I think it's nice that you have the connection with other birthmother's. I don't really know of any in real life. There isn't a birthmom's group in my city. I guess not enough was showing up when they did have one.

  2. AMEN!!! well said. i couldn't agree more wholeheartedly. you and the others are the BEST part of my job. seriously.