Sunday, April 12, 2009

I am a Mother

I read an interesting blog post today, by a husband named Vic. These bloggers are complete strangers to me, family of friends. Vic was talking about his experience at his wife's baby shower, and he said this:

It was interesting to see all the women congregating thus, busily chatting, laughing, eating... There is definitely a certain camaraderie. I suppose it is the bond of motherhood. Pregnancy really is a big deal. I am fascinated by all the physical changes a woman experiences. To change shapes so drastically? The amount of energy it requires? The changes in hormone levels? And then to have another being inside, that moves and kicks and punches and gets the hiccups? Really -- its like something from a science fiction movie! Its like magic. "And now for my next trick, I will make a person; Ta-da!"

Women make people. I carved an eagle out of soap once, when I was in cub-scouts. My wife makes people. It makes sense that there would be this camaraderie. There is a camaraderie among lawyers - "you suffered through law school, passed the bar, are sworn to uphold the constitution and are an officer of the court? I can relate to you. I can respect your situation". For women - "you have the power to make people too? Yes, we are in a special club aren't we?" Making people. It really is amazing.
Full post may be found here.

Sometimes, as a birthmom, I feel excluded from this camaraderie when I know that I belong to it. People--women--who don't know about my son don't think to include me, when here I am, posing as a young single adult. I hear women talk about pregnancy, birth, motherhood, and I want to chime in, but the awkwardness of an adoption story often hinders me, and I remain silent.


I am a mother. This fact is beyond contestation. I bore and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, who is turning out to be a mad genius, as his mother will be sure to attest. I continue to watch him grow and learn and explore, albeit at a distance. I love him with all my heart. I am a mother. I will always be a mother. Motherhood does not end at the placement of a child.

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh

So, to any lurking birthmoms out there, I hope that you'll step forward and recognize yourself for what you are. I know you have pictures of your baby cached in your wallet, I know that you find yourself thinking about that cute smile at random points in your day. I know that your arms ache for a snuggle.

I'm with ya.

1 comment:

  1. Oohh... beautiful. I love the way you write, Valerie. I'm certain you are speaking to the very souls of others who have walked your path. I'm glad you started this. Good for you, good for us, good for many. I sure think you're great!!