Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas adventures

Over at my other blog, I wrote a post complaining about the more stressful aspects of Christmas. One of these includes finding the "perfect gift" for certain important people in my life.

Adoption complicates this again.

(Dear Jen...I'm talking about you. You might want to stop reading.)

First of all, there's nobody more important in my life than my son. There will one day be people of equal importance--my future spouse and children. But for now, I have Ian. So obviously I want to do something really special for him each year on Christmas and his birthday.

However, I struggle. Because while I have an open adoption, I still don't have a parent-child relationship with this young boy. I don't know him all that well, really. I am told of certain of his likes and dislikes, but our relationship is still mainly at a distance. Which makes it difficult. (Also, not know what he already has makes it a challenge.)

Furthermore, I have a deep love and appreciation for his parents, and an honest friendship as well. So obviously I want to do something special for them as well. However--and Jen will admit this, I think--they are not necessarily the easiest people to shop for!

What do you give people with whom you share this kind of bond? Honestly, adoption is such a unique and fascinating relationship, unlike any other. How do you decide upon the perfect gift for such people?

No idea.

However, I still hope to come up with something--if not perfect--at least special and heartfelt. Mostly, I just want them all to know how very much I love them. I guess that's what Christmas is really about, right?


  1. I find the best gifts are home made or something of the sort. Something that they will always treasure more than a cool toy, but he is young. Last year, I bought a frame that held four pictures and I gave him it with a picture of him when he was younger with a pet, a picture of me and his Dad. (we are divorced) and a picture of him and me and one of him with his little brother. I didn't know if it would go over well, but he said it was the best gift of all.

  2. I had so many years of agonizing over the 'perfect' gift, and also felt sad when I realized I didn't really know my son all that well every year. It was like, nothing short of a kidney would be meaningfull enough! He is now 11, so I have had many Christmas' to think about this. I have chosen to not worry about gifts quite so much. My relationship with him all year, every year, is how he knows he's special to me. In fact, I usually give him money! It's about as impersonal as you get, but I know nothing about what is cool to an 11 year old!

  3. I am brand new at this whole birth mother thing. My baby boy was born last month and I'm still learning to navigate through all that is new in my life. For Christmas I bought him a "baby's first Christmas" ornament and I plan to do that every year for him so that one day, when he is older, he will have ornaments to decorate his own tree and they will have come from me. Maybe it's lame, but, it's a tradition I am excited to enforce.