Tuesday, September 1, 2009


Suddenly, abortion is all around me. Yesterday, I dealt personally with a crisis situation. This morning, a guy friend and I were talking, and he told me he was really upset yesterday because he was talking to a girl who is planning to get an abortion today.

He really upset me. He said that he told this girl that she needed to grow up and be held accountable for her actions. And soon he refused to talk to her at all, and said, "i didnt want to talk to her anymore about it, i was fed up with her and her foolishness and told her not to talk to me any more, i cant have peolpe like that in my life"

And other people told him he did the right thing.

I'm so confused. Deeply, morally confused.

I jumped to the defense. It was my natural instinctual reaction. I felt like this girl needed to be cared for. That she needed another opinion, guidance, wake-up call. That he should have convinced her to talk to someone--a bishop, a counselor, a therapist...me... I was offended by his rejection of her.

But am I so right? I'm not a specialist, a social worker. I have absolutely no authority to speak in this matter. Why do I think I know anything about how to help these women?

I placed my baby for adoption. I believe in that decision more than I believe in anything not gospel-related. I know, from that self-same gospel, that adoption was the right decision to make. I know from personal experience that it's NOT a decision I could have made alone. So it seems pretty natural to me that someone who is considering abortion may desperately need counsel, support and love. But who am I to say? I never considered abortion. It went against the very fiber of my being. So how can I possibly presume to empathize with someone in this situation?

I still feel so strongly that his rejection helped nobody. But what do I know? I wasn't there. I don't know her, I don't know the situation. It is not my place to say. But I still feel this deep, terrible uncertainty. I want to help--I ALWAYS want to help--but I need to make sure that I'm doing so to the best of my ability.

1 comment:

  1. I hear you. When I hear that friends/acquaintances are "calling quits" on their marriage, I get all flustered and brainstorm what I want to tell them about my perspective. Perhaps I think I might be able to help them find a happy solution. Part of me wants to scold them for being selfish or stubborn, and part of me wants to remind them of the big picture. Then I get reminded that I'm not really a party to their marriage, I don't really get to have a voice, and I don't know the circumstances. So I keep quiet. HOWEVER: there is probably a right place and time that is tough to identify for each voice to be heard. And I think you are absolutely right: ostracizing is not the right way to help.