Monday, June 1, 2009

I don't like people who talk about things they know nothing about. Just sayin'

Secondhand stories are sometimes difficult to relate, so bear with me. Yesterday I was talking to my friend Melissa about a conversation she had with one of her other friends (we'll call her Christy). They had been playing Imagine If... and the question was what Christy would do with her baby if she got pregnant. Melissa automatically assumed that she would place it for adoption, but Christy protested that she would keep her baby, as if this were the only logical asnwer. She then proceeded to say that people who gave up their babies for adoption didn't love their babies like she would love hers.

This is a secondhand story. I do know Christy, though not well. But even secondhand from a friend-of-a-friend, it still kind of ticked me off. Of all misconceptions about adoption, this one rubs me the worst.

Birthmothers love their babies. Birthmothers usually love their babies more than anything else in the entire world; certainly more than they love themselves. I've met quite a few birthmoms in the past couple of years, and I've yet to meet one who didn't love her baby LIKE CRAZY. To say that a birthmother does not love her baby is to say that they could live without air or water. Just not happening.

You know what one of my biggest pet peeves is?
People who speak in ignorance.

Placing my son for adoption was THE hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Ever. I wouldn't be surprised if it's the hardest thing I will EVER have to do in my life. I don't regret my decision in the slightest. But that doesn't mean it was easy. And it certainly doesn't mean that I didn't/don't love him. I think about him all the time. I hope he's doing well. I look at his pictures and videos, and read his mom's blog. I'm not obsessed. But I'm still a mother. I still care and worry and hope for him. Because I love him. I will always love him.

I am not an incubator. I am a birth mother.


  1. I have to say that speaking out of ignorance is one of my major pet peeves too. Since I am pursuing open adoption, I get all sorts of ignorant comments. Anyone who doesn't realize that it is BECAUSE of a bith mom's love that she is placing her baby is an idiot. If she didn't, she wouldn't have given that child life.

  2. to tell you the truth I think that women who have babies that they 'keep' but are not fully ready to parent are selfish.
    They are acting out of a selfish need to be a parent, no matter the disadvantage to the child.
    Women like you and I, who decided to pick others to raise the sons we gave birth to fully understand what it takes to raise a child(time, money, social resources, etc).
    Every single single-mom I have ever met who became one at a young age has told me that they had no idea what they were in for with reguards to parenting.
    Many of the people I know who were raised by young, single moms have suffered in their lives because of the choices their moms made.

    I know there a probably many single moms and children of single moms that are just 'fine' but I just haven't met them.
    I can only go by what I have learned.
    Anyways, I don't ever want my son to be 'just fine' I want excellance for him, and I know being a part of the family he is part of will give him all the right opportunities and benefits for him to become everything he can be.