Friday, May 15, 2009

Am I Odd?

One of my biggest failings is the automatic assumption that my way of doing things is the best way of doing things. I have to work pretty hard not to let this fault get ahead of me, to stop and consider the views of others, to think about it from others' point of view.

The more I delve into the adoption world at large, the more I'm coming to realize that my views on adoption are NOT generally held, and that in many cases I am odd.

I read a great article on adoption today as provided by Mrs. R from The R House. The article has a positive view on adoption, but the comments are riddled with negativity and antagonism toward adoption in general. It made me rather sad. One poster in particular was adamant that the term "birthmother" is derogatory and that adoptive parents aren't really parents, just caretakers.

In response (because I didn't feel I could properly express myself in the forum of a comments section), I have some facts of my life to share with you.

1. First and foremost, I am adopted, and I LOVE MY PARENTS. That would be my adoptive parents, folks. They are my examples, my confidants, my friends, my mentors, my strength and my shelter. I will always love them dearly.

2. I also love my birthparents, but in an entirely different way. I respect them for the decision they made to place me for adoption. I love to see our similarities and our likenessess. And I love the opportunity I have to get to know them better, as well as their other children, my siblings.

3. I love my son, who I placed for adoption three years ago of my own will and choice. I was not coerced, I was not convinced, and I certainly wasn't forced. I wanted my son to grow up in a two-parent household, with a stable family who could provide him all the love they possessed. And he got it! But with open adoption, I get to stay in touch, to watch him grow, and I'm able to provide answers to questions as they arise. If I had to do it again, I would not do it any differently.

4. I am happy. My life is good. I went through counseling before and after placing my son for adoption, and I know I could go back if I needed to. But what's more--I've healed and I have fully accepted my decisions. I am at peace! And I continue to serve as an advocate for adoption because I believe that it is the best decision for many--if not most!--unwed parents, but more importantly, for their children.

Maybe I am odd. Maybe my views are not generally held. But in my pride and my failings, I believe that my views are the best--for everyone. I have personally witnessed the benefits and joy of open adoption, and I will continue to sing these praises until the cows come home. =)


  1. i don't know how i found your blog, but somehow i did.

    and i don't think you're odd ;)

    i tend to not think about the views and opinions of others'. because in the end, as much as i try to convince them that my adoption situation is healthy and loving and everything i could have wished for and more, they look at me like i'm crazy and need therapy. they could never completely understand unless they were in my situation.

    here's to us weirdos. :)

  2. Your not odd, your open minded and experienced on the subject. Those who don't have direct experience with adoption have an ignorant, close minded, judgemental additude on the subject. As a birthmother and aunt to several adopted neices/nephews, I concer your thoughts completely!

  3. Being odd is a good thing.
    I am extremly odd much of the time.
    When I first placed I was extremly happy with my decision. Yes I did miss my son and wish that I could be his mom.
    I guess what has changed is that I have allowed those negative opinions to draw me over to the 'dark side' of thinking in reguards to adoption.
    Also because I so long to be closer to my son's adoptive parents, especially the mom, but it's not happening.

    BTW, I am totally all about #3! except that I might have choosen a different family if I could go back and do it again.