Tomorrow begins the 2010 FSA International Conference. I am strangely calm and nervous at the same time. I am speaking twice--the first is a presentation all on my own, on the topic of "Finding the RIGHT Adoptive Couple". This class is specifically for expectant parents who are in the process of making their adoption plan and choosing an adoptive couple. I expect it will be a small class, as there are far more birth parents in attendance than girls who are pregnant right now. But I have had the impression that I am supposed to teach this class, and so I feel that even if there's one person in the class, I am meant to touch that one person. My second session is a panel of adoptees, which should be a piece of cake. What makes it awesome is that my birthdad Jason will be there. He's presenting on a panel of birth fathers. AND my parents will be there! So I'll be in the middle of my own adoptive triad. The only thing that would complete it more is if my son and his parents were there too. Alas!
I have to be honest, dear reader, that I have been kind of out of it for awhile now, as far as the adoption world is concerned. I mean, I've been planning this conference, which is time consuming (though not as bad this year as it was last year), and I still do a fair amount of volunteer work. But I just sort of feel disconnected. I've heard that a lot of birthmoms go through this back and forth thing, as far as their involvement and passion for adoption activities. It's weird, hard to explain. With this conference, I feel like I'm going through the motions. And I'm sure it will be a great conference. But I'm also sure I could have done a lot more to make it even better.
Adoption is important to me. My adoption experiences are a critical part of my life. And I never want my passion for adoption advocacy to fade. I don't really understand what it is that I'm going through at the moment. Honestly, I'm hoping that the conference will revitalize me.
Beyond anything else, though, I am excited for the conference as a whole. I'm looking forward to a great weekend! And I hope to see many adoption-world friends there as well. =)
Showing posts with label Conference. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conference. Show all posts
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
FSA National Conference
I can't believe it's almost this time again. It feels like last month we were up in Layton for the Families Supporting Adoption National Conference. But almost a year has gone by and we're getting prepped and PUMPED for this year's conference. It's going to be July 30-31st, again at the Davis Conference Center in Layton, UT. We are broadening the spectrum even further than last year, with more classes for birth parents and several classes specifically for birth grandparents.
You know, it really is something special to me, to be as intimately involved in this conference as I am. I love my volunteer work. It is one of the most fulfilling things I do. Planning this conference is, of course, right up my alley, with my event(/theatre) management background. I love fitting all the pieces together.
This is going to be a great experience for everybody--adoptive couples, birth parents, birth grandparents, adoption workers, we'll even have a class with adoptees that should be fun. It was a phenomenal experience last year. I'm hoping that even more birth families hear about it and decide to come this year. Spread the word!
You know, it really is something special to me, to be as intimately involved in this conference as I am. I love my volunteer work. It is one of the most fulfilling things I do. Planning this conference is, of course, right up my alley, with my event(/theatre) management background. I love fitting all the pieces together.
This is going to be a great experience for everybody--adoptive couples, birth parents, birth grandparents, adoption workers, we'll even have a class with adoptees that should be fun. It was a phenomenal experience last year. I'm hoping that even more birth families hear about it and decide to come this year. Spread the word!
Friday, December 4, 2009
Guest blog
Life has been so crazy lately! Busy busy busy. Work. Taekwondo. Boyfriend. Life. You know how it goes. I haven't been blogging as much as I normally do, as much as I would like to. But--life is good, and adoption still rocks my socks. ;)
I had the great priviledge of writing a guest blog about my keynote address from the conference in October. The chapter of FSA in Virginia had many members that weren't able to attend, so they asked me to share some of my experiences. After some consideration, I decided to recreate as closely as possible my keynote address from the conference. I felt as though the impressions I had might be of some value. If they are of interest to you as well, the post can be found here. It's pretty spiritually based, but the message is founded in my love of open adoption.
I had the great priviledge of writing a guest blog about my keynote address from the conference in October. The chapter of FSA in Virginia had many members that weren't able to attend, so they asked me to share some of my experiences. After some consideration, I decided to recreate as closely as possible my keynote address from the conference. I felt as though the impressions I had might be of some value. If they are of interest to you as well, the post can be found here. It's pretty spiritually based, but the message is founded in my love of open adoption.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Regional conference experiences
I wrote a guest blog about the regional conference for United by Love, and I'll post it below. You're probably already familiar with some it, but I'm not writing it all again. =P
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I'm excited to share a few of my experiences at the FSA Northeast Regional Conference in Lebanon, Pennsylvania. It was so interesting! I'm actually from Utah, but my birth-son and his parents live in Boston, and it's really their fault that I got to go out for the conference. But it certainly wasn't a free ride--I was more than a little surprised when they (the regional committee) asked me to be their keynote speaker for the conference, as well as presenting two breakout sessions. It was very humbling, and I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity.
The conference began Friday. We actually started out in Hershey, Pennsylvania, for a tour of the Hershey factory and then some chocolate taste-testing. The tour was designed for small kidlets, but it was still amusing. This was the first time that I've seen my son in over a year. You can imagine that living 2000 miles apart cuts down on visits. So it was fun to tour Hershey hand-in-hand.
That evening was the keynote address. I was proceeded by a beautiful musical number by a local adoptive couple. I'm going to see if they have a website, and then I'll see if it can get posted here, because the song they sang about their son's birthmother was incredibly touching.
My keynote address was based on the scripture 1 Corinthians 2:9-11. The main point which I drew from this scripture was that we never know what God has in store for us. Ever heard the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." But I also tried to impress upon my audience the perils of adversity as well as the power of unity within the adoption triad. That evening was supposed to be the most spiritual portion of the conference, while the remainder of the sessions were dealing with the more technical issues. You'll have to ask any of the attendees if it was any good. =P
There was a little social/dessert afterward where I first began talking to some of the attendees (mostly adoptive parents). I had been forewarned that things would be different than in Utah--but I didn't realize how this mentality really pervaded these people. Over and over as I talked about my experiences or my thoughts, I heard some variation of "Well, it's different out in Utah."
Furthermore, I was treated as an oddity, a rarity. These adoptive couples honestly didn't expect birth parents to be well-balanced, mature, sane individuals. So the fact that I displayed those attributes (I think!) meant that I was an odd one out, certainly not the norm.
As we moved in Saturday's sessions, I tried to--lovingly and respectfully--convince them otherwise. It helped SO MUCH that there were other birth parents present! There were only a few, but it was great to have them add their agreement to the fact that the majority of birthmoms are NORMAL PEOPLE, who aren't going to come in the night and try to steal the baby away wearing a ski mask. (We almost brought a ski mask for a demonstration, but decided against it.)
The first session, I co-presented with my son's parents, Joe and Jen. It was called, "Communication: The Secret to a Successful Open Adoption." I actually feel like this was the most important session that I was involved in. We played 'Mythbusters' and talked through common adoption myths that adoptive couples go through. I think it was incredibly powerful to have all three of us up there, together, laughing, agreeing, and talking about our own experiences. My second session was by myself, "What Birth Parents Wish Adoptive Couples Knew", and it was just a rehash of the session from the national conference. Still successful, and I hope it was helpful to those who attended.
What I really gained from this experience (besides hugging my son lots and lots) was the knowledge that there's still a lot of work to be done in the adoption world. There's still a lot of talking and convincing and really showing that we need to do. Those of us who HAVE found success and joy from open adoptions really need to keep talking about it, keep showing other people what has worked and how wonderful it is. Not every adoption is perfect, but not every relationship is perfect either, and that's what this really is--we, adoptive parents and birth parents, have a relationship. And in some cases, that relationship is more like an obligation that you feel like you have to fulfill. But in the best circumstances, it's a real relationship, a real frienship, and a real source of joy. This is a relationship worth having! And I hope that it's something also worth sharing.
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I'm excited to share a few of my experiences at the FSA Northeast Regional Conference in Lebanon, Pennsylvania. It was so interesting! I'm actually from Utah, but my birth-son and his parents live in Boston, and it's really their fault that I got to go out for the conference. But it certainly wasn't a free ride--I was more than a little surprised when they (the regional committee) asked me to be their keynote speaker for the conference, as well as presenting two breakout sessions. It was very humbling, and I'm grateful that I was given the opportunity.
The conference began Friday. We actually started out in Hershey, Pennsylvania, for a tour of the Hershey factory and then some chocolate taste-testing. The tour was designed for small kidlets, but it was still amusing. This was the first time that I've seen my son in over a year. You can imagine that living 2000 miles apart cuts down on visits. So it was fun to tour Hershey hand-in-hand.
That evening was the keynote address. I was proceeded by a beautiful musical number by a local adoptive couple. I'm going to see if they have a website, and then I'll see if it can get posted here, because the song they sang about their son's birthmother was incredibly touching.
My keynote address was based on the scripture 1 Corinthians 2:9-11. The main point which I drew from this scripture was that we never know what God has in store for us. Ever heard the saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." But I also tried to impress upon my audience the perils of adversity as well as the power of unity within the adoption triad. That evening was supposed to be the most spiritual portion of the conference, while the remainder of the sessions were dealing with the more technical issues. You'll have to ask any of the attendees if it was any good. =P
There was a little social/dessert afterward where I first began talking to some of the attendees (mostly adoptive parents). I had been forewarned that things would be different than in Utah--but I didn't realize how this mentality really pervaded these people. Over and over as I talked about my experiences or my thoughts, I heard some variation of "Well, it's different out in Utah."
Furthermore, I was treated as an oddity, a rarity. These adoptive couples honestly didn't expect birth parents to be well-balanced, mature, sane individuals. So the fact that I displayed those attributes (I think!) meant that I was an odd one out, certainly not the norm.
As we moved in Saturday's sessions, I tried to--lovingly and respectfully--convince them otherwise. It helped SO MUCH that there were other birth parents present! There were only a few, but it was great to have them add their agreement to the fact that the majority of birthmoms are NORMAL PEOPLE, who aren't going to come in the night and try to steal the baby away wearing a ski mask. (We almost brought a ski mask for a demonstration, but decided against it.)
The first session, I co-presented with my son's parents, Joe and Jen. It was called, "Communication: The Secret to a Successful Open Adoption." I actually feel like this was the most important session that I was involved in. We played 'Mythbusters' and talked through common adoption myths that adoptive couples go through. I think it was incredibly powerful to have all three of us up there, together, laughing, agreeing, and talking about our own experiences. My second session was by myself, "What Birth Parents Wish Adoptive Couples Knew", and it was just a rehash of the session from the national conference. Still successful, and I hope it was helpful to those who attended.
What I really gained from this experience (besides hugging my son lots and lots) was the knowledge that there's still a lot of work to be done in the adoption world. There's still a lot of talking and convincing and really showing that we need to do. Those of us who HAVE found success and joy from open adoptions really need to keep talking about it, keep showing other people what has worked and how wonderful it is. Not every adoption is perfect, but not every relationship is perfect either, and that's what this really is--we, adoptive parents and birth parents, have a relationship. And in some cases, that relationship is more like an obligation that you feel like you have to fulfill. But in the best circumstances, it's a real relationship, a real frienship, and a real source of joy. This is a relationship worth having! And I hope that it's something also worth sharing.
Friday, October 23, 2009
One down, two to go
Tonight I gave a keynote address. It went by far more quickly than I had imagined. It felt kind of fluffy to me, like it didn't really have any meat in it. I let myself get emotional, which always is a struggle, of course. Don't get me wrong, it was a decent talk. I just don't feel like I have a connection yet. Tonight was the sugar. Tomorrow we'll get to the spice.
On a side note...Ian is adorable. Just sayin'.
More to come.
On a side note...Ian is adorable. Just sayin'.
More to come.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Hel-looo Pennsylvania!
Travel log:
Woke 6:30am, thought about going running as planned, hit snooze button, slept again.
Woke 6:55am, showered, dressed, finished packing.
Departed house 7:35am, best mom EVER drove me to SLC Int'l Airport. Got thru security w/o a hitch, waited. (plane supposed to leave at 9:41am)
Boarded plane 9:32am
Plane takeoff 9:55am
Slept for the first hour or so
Woke up when the guy next to me tried to apply lotion, but in the plane, it kind of exploded everywhere. Gave him my napkins and helped him clean up. Then talked to him for 10min.
Worked on my keynote address for an hour.
Finished a scene in my novel.
Slept again.
Landed 4:00pm EST/2:00pm MST.
Waited. (really had to pee, too!)
Disembarked--and couldn't find a bathroom! The whole freaking airport's being remodeled. Finally found one by the baggage claim, and it was way nasty.
Took the shuttle to Hertz, 4:25pm
Rented a car for the first time, 4:40pm. It was supposed to be a Hyundai, but it turned out to be a Mazda 6. Pretty pleased with that one.
Tried to get to the Reading Terminal Market, 5:00pm. Incidentally, I would advise against trying to navigate downtown Philadelphia at rush hour. After being muy frustrated, I gave up and headed out. (Have to admit that I have mad driving skills that after getting lost trying to find Vine St, I was still able to get myself back onto I-76 and headed in the right direction.)
Got stuck in traffic behind a wreck 5:30pm
Stopped for food, 7:00pm. I had eaten breakfast at 7:00am MST, drank some Fresca and ate a biscotti cookie on the plane...and that's it. I debated seriously about just waiting til Lebanon, but couldn't stand it anymore, so I stopped. Had a roast beef gyro at Arby's--decent, too.
Arrived at hotel, 8:00pm.
Started playing on the internet, 8:25pm.
And here I sit.
Tomorrow morning I'll be working on/finalizing all my presentations. In the afternoon we're going to Hershey for a taste-testing tour/trick-or-treating, where I get to see Ian for the first time in over a year. Then tomorrow evening is my keynote address. Eeek!
Woke 6:30am, thought about going running as planned, hit snooze button, slept again.
Woke 6:55am, showered, dressed, finished packing.
Departed house 7:35am, best mom EVER drove me to SLC Int'l Airport. Got thru security w/o a hitch, waited. (plane supposed to leave at 9:41am)
Boarded plane 9:32am
Plane takeoff 9:55am
Slept for the first hour or so
Woke up when the guy next to me tried to apply lotion, but in the plane, it kind of exploded everywhere. Gave him my napkins and helped him clean up. Then talked to him for 10min.
Worked on my keynote address for an hour.
Finished a scene in my novel.
Slept again.
Landed 4:00pm EST/2:00pm MST.
Waited. (really had to pee, too!)
Disembarked--and couldn't find a bathroom! The whole freaking airport's being remodeled. Finally found one by the baggage claim, and it was way nasty.
Took the shuttle to Hertz, 4:25pm
Rented a car for the first time, 4:40pm. It was supposed to be a Hyundai, but it turned out to be a Mazda 6. Pretty pleased with that one.
Tried to get to the Reading Terminal Market, 5:00pm. Incidentally, I would advise against trying to navigate downtown Philadelphia at rush hour. After being muy frustrated, I gave up and headed out. (Have to admit that I have mad driving skills that after getting lost trying to find Vine St, I was still able to get myself back onto I-76 and headed in the right direction.)
Got stuck in traffic behind a wreck 5:30pm
Stopped for food, 7:00pm. I had eaten breakfast at 7:00am MST, drank some Fresca and ate a biscotti cookie on the plane...and that's it. I debated seriously about just waiting til Lebanon, but couldn't stand it anymore, so I stopped. Had a roast beef gyro at Arby's--decent, too.
Arrived at hotel, 8:00pm.
Started playing on the internet, 8:25pm.
And here I sit.
Tomorrow morning I'll be working on/finalizing all my presentations. In the afternoon we're going to Hershey for a taste-testing tour/trick-or-treating, where I get to see Ian for the first time in over a year. Then tomorrow evening is my keynote address. Eeek!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Conference butterflies
So, it occured to me last night that I'm counting down about two weeks until the FSA Northeast regional conference. Remember that one? Yeah, the one where I'm the keynote speaker with two breakout sessions besides? Yeah, that one.
My roommate gave me some great insights last night, as I shared with her the scripture I've been given for my keynote address. [The scripture, in case you are curious, is 1 Corinthians 2:9-11.] I intend to set hard to work on that address on Sunday. The keynote is in fact supposed to be the most 'spiritual' part of the conference, so I think it deserves some quiet meditation and prayer. Did anyone see my FB status the other day? I think it's appropriate, if jocular--"Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans."
As for the breakout sessions, I'm slightly less worried, though I do need to get my thoughts and notes together. The first session is a revamp of one I co-presented at the national conference, though I will be by myself. It's about what birth parents wish adoptive couples knew. That particular session was probably the best one in which I participated at the national conference, both in attendance and response. I'm excited to do it again, because I learned a lot at the national conference and I can apply it here.
The second session is still a curiosity to me. It's called "Communication: The Secret to a Successful Open Adoption" and I'm co-presenting it with Jen and Joe. In true fashion, we opened a Google Doc for mutual notes and whatnot. They've upload some really great points to talk about. What's interesting to me is the audience. The presentation similar to this that I participated in at the national conference was specifically geared toward birth parents. However, our audience here will be mostly (if not completely) composed of adoptive couples and LDSFS caseworkers. The presentation therefore must be rather different.
Anyway, I'm going to keep brainstorming and preparing. I get little nervous butterflies when I think about it. I haven't seen Ian, Jen and Joe since last summer. A little boy does a LOT of growing in 14 or so months. It will be interesting!!
My roommate gave me some great insights last night, as I shared with her the scripture I've been given for my keynote address. [The scripture, in case you are curious, is 1 Corinthians 2:9-11.] I intend to set hard to work on that address on Sunday. The keynote is in fact supposed to be the most 'spiritual' part of the conference, so I think it deserves some quiet meditation and prayer. Did anyone see my FB status the other day? I think it's appropriate, if jocular--"Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans."
As for the breakout sessions, I'm slightly less worried, though I do need to get my thoughts and notes together. The first session is a revamp of one I co-presented at the national conference, though I will be by myself. It's about what birth parents wish adoptive couples knew. That particular session was probably the best one in which I participated at the national conference, both in attendance and response. I'm excited to do it again, because I learned a lot at the national conference and I can apply it here.
The second session is still a curiosity to me. It's called "Communication: The Secret to a Successful Open Adoption" and I'm co-presenting it with Jen and Joe. In true fashion, we opened a Google Doc for mutual notes and whatnot. They've upload some really great points to talk about. What's interesting to me is the audience. The presentation similar to this that I participated in at the national conference was specifically geared toward birth parents. However, our audience here will be mostly (if not completely) composed of adoptive couples and LDSFS caseworkers. The presentation therefore must be rather different.
Anyway, I'm going to keep brainstorming and preparing. I get little nervous butterflies when I think about it. I haven't seen Ian, Jen and Joe since last summer. A little boy does a LOT of growing in 14 or so months. It will be interesting!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
This is NOT a brag fest. Just thought I should clarify in advance
Please read the title. Now read it one more time.
Okay.
I have some news. I've been sitting on it for a couple of weeks, because it still didn't feel "official" to me. And I didn't want to seem like I was bragging.
Ready? Here it is.
I've been asked to present at the FSA Northeast Regional Conference. It's taking place in Lebanon, Pennsylvania at the end of October. Adoptive couples, LDS Family Services employees, and hopefully some birth parents will be coming from all over the Northeast to attend.
Shall I be honest? -- I'm the keynote speaker. Yeah...THE keynote speaker. I'll be speaking to all the attendees for an hour. Just me, myself and I.
AND I'm presenting in two breakout sessions. One is just me, a rehash of one of my sessions from the national conference, talking about what birth parents wish adoptive couples knew. The second I'll have two FAB co-presenters--Jen and Joe, my son's adoptive parents. We'll be talking about communication in open adoptions.
Can I tell you how EXCITED I am??? Nervous, sure. I need to start the back-of-my-brain-thinkings that will eventually lead to awesome presentations. But really, I'm just so excited. A) to have yet another amazing opportunity to talk about adoption, share my story, and hopefully improve adoption for other people. And B) I get to see these most precious members of my family! I haven't seen them since last August. So even though our time will be very limited, I'm still super thrilled to spend time with them. AND I get to see Ian in his Halloween costume. =)
So, expect more posts as we get closer and I start freaking out. I'm not too worried about the breakout sessions, those are low-stress after the national conference. I am FAR more worried about an hour at the pulpit by myself. Just sayin!
Okay.
I have some news. I've been sitting on it for a couple of weeks, because it still didn't feel "official" to me. And I didn't want to seem like I was bragging.
Ready? Here it is.
I've been asked to present at the FSA Northeast Regional Conference. It's taking place in Lebanon, Pennsylvania at the end of October. Adoptive couples, LDS Family Services employees, and hopefully some birth parents will be coming from all over the Northeast to attend.
Shall I be honest? -- I'm the keynote speaker. Yeah...THE keynote speaker. I'll be speaking to all the attendees for an hour. Just me, myself and I.
AND I'm presenting in two breakout sessions. One is just me, a rehash of one of my sessions from the national conference, talking about what birth parents wish adoptive couples knew. The second I'll have two FAB co-presenters--Jen and Joe, my son's adoptive parents. We'll be talking about communication in open adoptions.
Can I tell you how EXCITED I am??? Nervous, sure. I need to start the back-of-my-brain-thinkings that will eventually lead to awesome presentations. But really, I'm just so excited. A) to have yet another amazing opportunity to talk about adoption, share my story, and hopefully improve adoption for other people. And B) I get to see these most precious members of my family! I haven't seen them since last August. So even though our time will be very limited, I'm still super thrilled to spend time with them. AND I get to see Ian in his Halloween costume. =)
So, expect more posts as we get closer and I start freaking out. I'm not too worried about the breakout sessions, those are low-stress after the national conference. I am FAR more worried about an hour at the pulpit by myself. Just sayin!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Foster care/transracial adoption
It was interesting me to see so many classes about transracial adoption on the program at conference. I wish I could have gone to some! It's something that just hasn't been within my frame of reference before. But at conference, I was able to see lots of family with African American or Hispanic children, with white parents. I have realized in a very short time that this is a major part of the adoption world.
Also, as I've been reading more adoption blogs, foster care has come to my attention as a similar (and still vastly different) entity. For example, see Mrs. R's Matching Mondays.
I find it fascinating. I've never really considered adopting children for myself. But that thought has definitely entered my mind of late. Regardless of whether I have children of my own (and I've proven that I'M capable!) I know that my heart has room for many.
Just thoughts that have been rolling around in here. Do you have any thoughts to share?
Also, as I've been reading more adoption blogs, foster care has come to my attention as a similar (and still vastly different) entity. For example, see Mrs. R's Matching Mondays.
I find it fascinating. I've never really considered adopting children for myself. But that thought has definitely entered my mind of late. Regardless of whether I have children of my own (and I've proven that I'M capable!) I know that my heart has room for many.
Just thoughts that have been rolling around in here. Do you have any thoughts to share?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Triumph
It's been a few days, I've been able to sleep a bit, and now it's time to blog about conference. At length. Forgive me...but I must. I am a novelist, and it's naturally hard to be concise. Besides, in this situation, why would I want to cut short my opportunity to share with you?
Mostly...it's my blog, and I can ramble if I want to. ;)
The national conference of Families Supporting Adoption was an amazing experience. For me, it started Thursday evening when I arrived with most of the national board to help set up the conference store. I have to tell you, that I love moments like these. Standing with half a dozen people folding cute onesies that say "Adoption: It's About Love" is a bonding experience that you just don't get any other way. It was the perfect marker of the entire conference: a bonding experience.
Friday morning started with me feeling like an idiot. I had been given my national board shirt, but nobody actually told me that I was supposed to wear it. I should have put it together, but I sure didn't until I entered the conference room Friday morning, and everybody else was wearing their shirt! Yep, I felt like an idiot. But I quickly shoved it aside. I still looked cute, and at least people wouldn't be asking me silly questions all day. ;) We dispensed schedules, gave last minute notices, and said a prayer. Then we were off and running.
I think that I should have been an actress. I have found that I'm surprisingly successful at projecting an air of confidence even when my stomach is practically cramping because of butterflies!
We started off with a session called "United by Love," which I think we would do differently if we choose to do it again next year (Melinda has already laid claim!) It was still a great kick-off. But then it was off to the first of my own presentations. It was a session for adoptive families called "What We Wish Our Adoptive Couple Knew." There were two of us, and I wish now that we had had a moderator to direct the session better. But overall, it went quite well. There were lots of questions, and the audience seemed quite engaged--even though there were over 100 of them!!!
Lunch was on our own, and I went back to my hotel room to take deep breaths and think about nothing for a few minutes. Then it was back into the game. After lunch, the birth parent sessions split. We had "Being a Birth Mother is Just One Part of Who I Am," which I hear was phenomenal. I had the fortune to be in "Adoption Advocacy: Sharing Your Passion for Adoption."
Let me pause to explain: each member of the National Board was given a set of responsibilities each hour (some people had free time. some people had hours off. I will let you conjecture on whether I was one of those people.) Basically, between Melinda and I, we had to be in each of the birth parent classes each hour. The problem with having so many classes is that you miss really great ones!!
Anyhow, the next hour was "Husbands of Birth Mothers", which was easily one of our most popular classes, and "Navigating the Difficult Conversations." I was in this one, and it turned out to be a particularly fascinating class. It was taught by an adoptive mother AND a birth mother, and we discussed many of the difficult conversations that come up in an adoption relationship, and how to handle them. I loved the dichotomy between these two groups, and I think it would be great to include more of both groups next year.
The last hour on Friday was "Step by Step through Pregnancy and Placement," which was a wonderful session for many of our expectant parents--of whom there were a LOT more than I expected to see! It was fun to have so many cute pregnant bellies wandering around. Part of the reason birth parents were not included for so long was the fear that there would be weird/negative interactions between them and the adoptive couples--the "baby hungry" adoptive couples. But as far as I know, there has been nothing of the sort.
Also there was "What Adopted Children Need From Their Birth Parents," which did not turn out as expected. If we do the session again (and I think we should), we would include a lot more adoptees and parents from open adoptions. That is the way the world is trending, and we needed that voice to balance things out in this session.
Friday evening was the Awards Banquet. It was fun to see the birth families and adoptive families mingling, chatting, talking about the day's sessions and just about life in general. It was also great to see the first birth parent presented with a "Friends of Adoption" award! I love the growing impact that we are making in this circle.
First thing Saturday morning Melinda and I were dealing with missing panelists--one was there the whole time, one was reunited with her adoptive couple for the first time since placement, and one had misunderstood the time and came late. But we got them all together, and then it was time to start!
We started with the general sessions, which included EVERYONE at the conference. First was our keynote speaker, Troy Dunn. He was a wonderful presenter! He made me laugh. I'm glad the session was recorded, and when it becomes available, I heartily recommend watching it. He told the story of a birth mother that made me cry! Such a good presentation.
Then it was time for the birth parent panel. Somehow, I was totally in my element, and yet it was not overpowering at all. I was there, helping to make sure everything was ready, particularly for Melinda, who moderated. I took her cell phone, I found her people she needed, and I made her spit out her gum. I encouraged Taneil, who was freaking out, and gave Martina a good-luck squeeze. Those are the moments I thrive on, I tell you.
The panel itself was great. All four presenters were wonderful. I was particularly pleased by Ian, the birth father on the panel, who was a lucky find!! He spoke articulately about the needs of birth fathers, and birth parents in general. It was wonderful to hear that point of view presented. In general, I loved the questions that were addressed, and the different points of view that our panelists were able to share. Diversity rocks!
Lunch followed the panel. I was on pins and needles, A) because I needed to find a new faciliator for one of the sessions, because our faciliator had been hospitalized for swine flu the night before, and B) because I was presenting the hour after lunch. I couldn't even tell you what lunch was that day. However, I did get to talk to an adoptive couple briefly who are from St. George, and whose birth mother came from Cedar City. Small world!
From lunch it was off to the next breakout sessions. In the other room it was "Uniting as a Birth Family," our class designed with birth grandparents in mind. Apparantly it was quite the cry session! But I was busy with "Deciding Who, When and How to Tell," with my lovely co-presenter Martina. We were recorded, which is always an adventure. To be honest, my favorite part were the eggs.
We were talking about telling boyfriends (or really anybody) about placing a child for adoption. I had a dozen (boiled) eggs. I held one up. "This represents one part of your adoption story." Then I tossed it to Martina, who caught it easily. Next I held up two eggs. "These are some pieces of your adoption story." Tossed to Martina, who caught them. Then I grabbed half a dozen eggs. "This is your whole story!" Naturally, when I tossed half a dozen eggs to Martina all at once, she didn't catch a single one. The point being, whenever you're telling someone, you don't have to share everything all at once. You share one piece at a time, and give them a chance to adjust before you toss them another egg. Once they have a chance to catch and set it down, they'll be ready for more.
The next hour was a particularly good one. In the first room was "Telling Your Children Your Adoption Story," which was really popular. A lot of birth mothers are reaching the point where they want or need to tell their children about placing a child for adoption. Some are just nervous, anticipating it someday in the future. So this session was an incredible resource. I'm glad it was recorded--cuz I was in the other room!
In the other room was "Desires, Expectations and Disappointments," taught by my own caseworker from Cedar City. This was an amazing session. In every experience, in every situation, but particularly an overwhelming experience like adoption, you are going to have desires, and you will have expectations for what will happen, and what the relationship will be like. But there will always be disappointments. The result of the discussion was fascinating. We narrowed down a LOT of the disappointments that we as birth mothers have faced directly to our relationship with our adoptive couple. Not with the child--with the couple, most often directly with the adoptive mother. We want to be friends. That was what seemed to be the consensus--that we do not want a relationship just for the sake of the child, but that we crave an honest-to-goodness friendship with the adoptive mother, and that so much disappointment comes when we are relegated to the role of "just" birth mother. This was a room full of amazing women, I'm just sayin'.
The last hour of the conference saw a consolidation once again of the birth families for a session called "Letting Go and Moving Forward." Once again, I'm glad it was recorded. This session was all about moving forward from our placement, and becoming the best we can be. It was wonderful.
We joined the rest of the conference for a closing session and raffle. I joined the rest of the national board (once again, all in their shirts but me!--but I'm not stuck on it or anything ;) in passing out the raffle items as people won them. Then I was given the opportunity to say the closing prayer. As I did so, I could literally feel the approval of our Heavenly Father radiating throughout the room. I felt a powerful confirmation that he approves of the work we are doing.
This conference was so powerful. I was impressed to see how many connections were made, the networking and bonding that went on. I can literally see the benefit that it offers. Birth mothers NEED each other, they need this kind of support system of other birth mothers, and people who love birth mothers. It will be my ongoing goal, particularly as a member of the national board, to see that birth families are given more and more opportunities like this, to reach out and lift each other up, and to reach a hand back to those who are going through our ordeal even now. Adoption is about love--love of the child, first and foremost, but now a love of one another.
Adoption rocks my socks!
Mostly...it's my blog, and I can ramble if I want to. ;)
The national conference of Families Supporting Adoption was an amazing experience. For me, it started Thursday evening when I arrived with most of the national board to help set up the conference store. I have to tell you, that I love moments like these. Standing with half a dozen people folding cute onesies that say "Adoption: It's About Love" is a bonding experience that you just don't get any other way. It was the perfect marker of the entire conference: a bonding experience.
Friday morning started with me feeling like an idiot. I had been given my national board shirt, but nobody actually told me that I was supposed to wear it. I should have put it together, but I sure didn't until I entered the conference room Friday morning, and everybody else was wearing their shirt! Yep, I felt like an idiot. But I quickly shoved it aside. I still looked cute, and at least people wouldn't be asking me silly questions all day. ;) We dispensed schedules, gave last minute notices, and said a prayer. Then we were off and running.
I think that I should have been an actress. I have found that I'm surprisingly successful at projecting an air of confidence even when my stomach is practically cramping because of butterflies!
We started off with a session called "United by Love," which I think we would do differently if we choose to do it again next year (Melinda has already laid claim!) It was still a great kick-off. But then it was off to the first of my own presentations. It was a session for adoptive families called "What We Wish Our Adoptive Couple Knew." There were two of us, and I wish now that we had had a moderator to direct the session better. But overall, it went quite well. There were lots of questions, and the audience seemed quite engaged--even though there were over 100 of them!!!
Lunch was on our own, and I went back to my hotel room to take deep breaths and think about nothing for a few minutes. Then it was back into the game. After lunch, the birth parent sessions split. We had "Being a Birth Mother is Just One Part of Who I Am," which I hear was phenomenal. I had the fortune to be in "Adoption Advocacy: Sharing Your Passion for Adoption."
Let me pause to explain: each member of the National Board was given a set of responsibilities each hour (some people had free time. some people had hours off. I will let you conjecture on whether I was one of those people.) Basically, between Melinda and I, we had to be in each of the birth parent classes each hour. The problem with having so many classes is that you miss really great ones!!
Anyhow, the next hour was "Husbands of Birth Mothers", which was easily one of our most popular classes, and "Navigating the Difficult Conversations." I was in this one, and it turned out to be a particularly fascinating class. It was taught by an adoptive mother AND a birth mother, and we discussed many of the difficult conversations that come up in an adoption relationship, and how to handle them. I loved the dichotomy between these two groups, and I think it would be great to include more of both groups next year.
The last hour on Friday was "Step by Step through Pregnancy and Placement," which was a wonderful session for many of our expectant parents--of whom there were a LOT more than I expected to see! It was fun to have so many cute pregnant bellies wandering around. Part of the reason birth parents were not included for so long was the fear that there would be weird/negative interactions between them and the adoptive couples--the "baby hungry" adoptive couples. But as far as I know, there has been nothing of the sort.
Also there was "What Adopted Children Need From Their Birth Parents," which did not turn out as expected. If we do the session again (and I think we should), we would include a lot more adoptees and parents from open adoptions. That is the way the world is trending, and we needed that voice to balance things out in this session.
Friday evening was the Awards Banquet. It was fun to see the birth families and adoptive families mingling, chatting, talking about the day's sessions and just about life in general. It was also great to see the first birth parent presented with a "Friends of Adoption" award! I love the growing impact that we are making in this circle.
First thing Saturday morning Melinda and I were dealing with missing panelists--one was there the whole time, one was reunited with her adoptive couple for the first time since placement, and one had misunderstood the time and came late. But we got them all together, and then it was time to start!
We started with the general sessions, which included EVERYONE at the conference. First was our keynote speaker, Troy Dunn. He was a wonderful presenter! He made me laugh. I'm glad the session was recorded, and when it becomes available, I heartily recommend watching it. He told the story of a birth mother that made me cry! Such a good presentation.
Then it was time for the birth parent panel. Somehow, I was totally in my element, and yet it was not overpowering at all. I was there, helping to make sure everything was ready, particularly for Melinda, who moderated. I took her cell phone, I found her people she needed, and I made her spit out her gum. I encouraged Taneil, who was freaking out, and gave Martina a good-luck squeeze. Those are the moments I thrive on, I tell you.
The panel itself was great. All four presenters were wonderful. I was particularly pleased by Ian, the birth father on the panel, who was a lucky find!! He spoke articulately about the needs of birth fathers, and birth parents in general. It was wonderful to hear that point of view presented. In general, I loved the questions that were addressed, and the different points of view that our panelists were able to share. Diversity rocks!
Lunch followed the panel. I was on pins and needles, A) because I needed to find a new faciliator for one of the sessions, because our faciliator had been hospitalized for swine flu the night before, and B) because I was presenting the hour after lunch. I couldn't even tell you what lunch was that day. However, I did get to talk to an adoptive couple briefly who are from St. George, and whose birth mother came from Cedar City. Small world!
From lunch it was off to the next breakout sessions. In the other room it was "Uniting as a Birth Family," our class designed with birth grandparents in mind. Apparantly it was quite the cry session! But I was busy with "Deciding Who, When and How to Tell," with my lovely co-presenter Martina. We were recorded, which is always an adventure. To be honest, my favorite part were the eggs.
We were talking about telling boyfriends (or really anybody) about placing a child for adoption. I had a dozen (boiled) eggs. I held one up. "This represents one part of your adoption story." Then I tossed it to Martina, who caught it easily. Next I held up two eggs. "These are some pieces of your adoption story." Tossed to Martina, who caught them. Then I grabbed half a dozen eggs. "This is your whole story!" Naturally, when I tossed half a dozen eggs to Martina all at once, she didn't catch a single one. The point being, whenever you're telling someone, you don't have to share everything all at once. You share one piece at a time, and give them a chance to adjust before you toss them another egg. Once they have a chance to catch and set it down, they'll be ready for more.
The next hour was a particularly good one. In the first room was "Telling Your Children Your Adoption Story," which was really popular. A lot of birth mothers are reaching the point where they want or need to tell their children about placing a child for adoption. Some are just nervous, anticipating it someday in the future. So this session was an incredible resource. I'm glad it was recorded--cuz I was in the other room!
In the other room was "Desires, Expectations and Disappointments," taught by my own caseworker from Cedar City. This was an amazing session. In every experience, in every situation, but particularly an overwhelming experience like adoption, you are going to have desires, and you will have expectations for what will happen, and what the relationship will be like. But there will always be disappointments. The result of the discussion was fascinating. We narrowed down a LOT of the disappointments that we as birth mothers have faced directly to our relationship with our adoptive couple. Not with the child--with the couple, most often directly with the adoptive mother. We want to be friends. That was what seemed to be the consensus--that we do not want a relationship just for the sake of the child, but that we crave an honest-to-goodness friendship with the adoptive mother, and that so much disappointment comes when we are relegated to the role of "just" birth mother. This was a room full of amazing women, I'm just sayin'.
The last hour of the conference saw a consolidation once again of the birth families for a session called "Letting Go and Moving Forward." Once again, I'm glad it was recorded. This session was all about moving forward from our placement, and becoming the best we can be. It was wonderful.
We joined the rest of the conference for a closing session and raffle. I joined the rest of the national board (once again, all in their shirts but me!--but I'm not stuck on it or anything ;) in passing out the raffle items as people won them. Then I was given the opportunity to say the closing prayer. As I did so, I could literally feel the approval of our Heavenly Father radiating throughout the room. I felt a powerful confirmation that he approves of the work we are doing.
This conference was so powerful. I was impressed to see how many connections were made, the networking and bonding that went on. I can literally see the benefit that it offers. Birth mothers NEED each other, they need this kind of support system of other birth mothers, and people who love birth mothers. It will be my ongoing goal, particularly as a member of the national board, to see that birth families are given more and more opportunities like this, to reach out and lift each other up, and to reach a hand back to those who are going through our ordeal even now. Adoption is about love--love of the child, first and foremost, but now a love of one another.
Adoption rocks my socks!
Friday, July 31, 2009
United by Love
Very soon here, I am going to walk over to the Davis Conference for the start of "Letting Love Lead", the national conference of Families Supporting Adoption. We've dubbed the birth parent portion "United by Love", and I couldn't think of a more appropriate name.
Birth parents are no longer isolated. They're no longer told to shut the door after placement and pretend like this never happened. They're no longer taught to be ashamed or reclusive with their experiences.
In the modern, expanding world of adoption, birth parents are being given the chance to help each other heal. We have a unique experience. Others can sympathize, but only another woman who has gone through this process can truly comprehend what we've gone through.
We are united. Today, birth mothers have gathered, united by love of children, adoption, and each other. We have gathered to strengthen and teach one another, and to offer our newfound support to other adoption advocates.
This morning, I am presenting a session for adoptive couples called "What We Wish Our Adoptive Couple Knew." This is OUR chance to truly give back, to protect future generations of birth mothers from preventable mistakes, misgivings, and uncertainties on part of the adoptive couples. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful adoptive couple. But this is a wonderful forum, a wonderful opportunity to affect people whose ears are already open, who are ready to learn. And this is just the very beginning.
I am so excited. I wish you could be here with me. This conference is going to be an amazing experience! Wish me luck. =)
Birth parents are no longer isolated. They're no longer told to shut the door after placement and pretend like this never happened. They're no longer taught to be ashamed or reclusive with their experiences.
In the modern, expanding world of adoption, birth parents are being given the chance to help each other heal. We have a unique experience. Others can sympathize, but only another woman who has gone through this process can truly comprehend what we've gone through.
We are united. Today, birth mothers have gathered, united by love of children, adoption, and each other. We have gathered to strengthen and teach one another, and to offer our newfound support to other adoption advocates.
This morning, I am presenting a session for adoptive couples called "What We Wish Our Adoptive Couple Knew." This is OUR chance to truly give back, to protect future generations of birth mothers from preventable mistakes, misgivings, and uncertainties on part of the adoptive couples. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful adoptive couple. But this is a wonderful forum, a wonderful opportunity to affect people whose ears are already open, who are ready to learn. And this is just the very beginning.
I am so excited. I wish you could be here with me. This conference is going to be an amazing experience! Wish me luck. =)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Focused on the goal
This weekend, July 31-August 1, is the Families Supporting Adoption national conference.
I have been working on this conference for over four months. I got asked if I wanted to "be involved" and "help out" (such innocent terms), which quickly involved into a full-fledged planning committee, of which I quickly became a co-chair.
Last year was the first time birth parents were invited to attend the conference. There were a total of six classes offered for birth parents, only on the second day of the conference.
Our planning committee (which didn't exist last year either) quickly decided that this wasn't nearly enough. As we brainstormed ideas for sessions and presenters, we quickly expanded to fill both days of the conference. We more than doubled the size of the birth parent portion (which is still barely a fifth the size of the adoptive-couple side).
All of our hard work and time has come down to the wire. The conference starts Friday morning. Of course there will be hiccups, as there have been constantly over the past weeks. But I am so excited.
This conference represents the culmination of my passions. Firstly, I love adoption, I advocate adoption, and I love talking to people about adoption. And this is two whole days of talking about adoption. Secondly, I love organizing things. This conference has let me off the leash, and I have been able to organize and facilitate and detail-out to my heart's content. It's the utmost use of my stage management and administrative abilities.
It's going to be awesome.
It's going to be inspiring. (except maybe for MY presentations!)
It's going to be the adoption event of the year.
And I can't wait for it to be over. :P
If you are interested in the conference, please click here. If you are interested in Families Supporting Adoption, you can visit their website or their national blog (which I recommend).
I have been working on this conference for over four months. I got asked if I wanted to "be involved" and "help out" (such innocent terms), which quickly involved into a full-fledged planning committee, of which I quickly became a co-chair.
Last year was the first time birth parents were invited to attend the conference. There were a total of six classes offered for birth parents, only on the second day of the conference.
Our planning committee (which didn't exist last year either) quickly decided that this wasn't nearly enough. As we brainstormed ideas for sessions and presenters, we quickly expanded to fill both days of the conference. We more than doubled the size of the birth parent portion (which is still barely a fifth the size of the adoptive-couple side).
All of our hard work and time has come down to the wire. The conference starts Friday morning. Of course there will be hiccups, as there have been constantly over the past weeks. But I am so excited.
This conference represents the culmination of my passions. Firstly, I love adoption, I advocate adoption, and I love talking to people about adoption. And this is two whole days of talking about adoption. Secondly, I love organizing things. This conference has let me off the leash, and I have been able to organize and facilitate and detail-out to my heart's content. It's the utmost use of my stage management and administrative abilities.
It's going to be awesome.
It's going to be inspiring. (except maybe for MY presentations!)
It's going to be the adoption event of the year.
And I can't wait for it to be over. :P
If you are interested in the conference, please click here. If you are interested in Families Supporting Adoption, you can visit their website or their national blog (which I recommend).
Friday, May 22, 2009
Conference update
The theme for the FSA National Conference this year is "Letting Love Lead". However, the birthparent planning committee (that's a mouthful, I need an acronym or something) decided early on that we wanted our own mini-theme for the birthparent part of conference. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have one.
United by Love
Our emphasis for conference this year is really about bringing birth families together--bringing families together. We are now in the midst of producing an awesome logo, and when that becomes available I will post it for general consumption. =)
I can't tell you how excited I am about conference. I feel so strongly that Families Supporting Adoption has a potential for growth that outpaces what any of us can imagine now. I am so grateful that they have finally let birth parents really become a part of this organization, and I hope that this growth is allowed to continue and expand into the wonderfulness for which it has so much potential.
To any lurking birth parents (or anybody who is involved in adoption!), this conference is for YOU. No matter where you are at in your story, there will be classes and connections for YOU. It's going to be amazing!
United by Love
Our emphasis for conference this year is really about bringing birth families together--bringing families together. We are now in the midst of producing an awesome logo, and when that becomes available I will post it for general consumption. =)
I can't tell you how excited I am about conference. I feel so strongly that Families Supporting Adoption has a potential for growth that outpaces what any of us can imagine now. I am so grateful that they have finally let birth parents really become a part of this organization, and I hope that this growth is allowed to continue and expand into the wonderfulness for which it has so much potential.
To any lurking birth parents (or anybody who is involved in adoption!), this conference is for YOU. No matter where you are at in your story, there will be classes and connections for YOU. It's going to be amazing!
Friday, April 17, 2009
FSA national conference!
Last night I attending a planning committee meeting for the birthparent portion of this summer's Families Supporting Adoption national conference. A more concise way to say all that was: I love adoption! =)
We spent several hours debating about which classes we want to share with birthparents. In the end, we doubled the number of birthparent sessions from last year (which was the first time birthparents had their own sessions at conference). I can't tell you the enormity of my excitement for this.
First of all, I am an organizer. I started out life as a stage manager, after all. I LOVE this kind of thing. Totally in my element. I don't need a spotlight, but I do enjoy a position where I can take charge--quietly--and keep things on track. This is my natural state of being.
Secondly, of all the things I could apply my skills and passion to, this is IT. I feel so incredibly passionate about adoption. I believe in it 100%. I believe in open adoption, I believe in support and communication and love, for everybody. And I believe that birthmothers hold a unique place, both in adoption society, and in the eyes of God. I cherish my fellow birthmothers.
I can't wait to continue this work. I can't wait for this conference! I can't wait to meet and talk with and listen to other birthmoms who care as much as I do, who want to improve lives, including their own. And strangely, I'm excited to share my own successes, and to give back what I can to my fellow birthmoms.
Adoption: It's About Love.
We spent several hours debating about which classes we want to share with birthparents. In the end, we doubled the number of birthparent sessions from last year (which was the first time birthparents had their own sessions at conference). I can't tell you the enormity of my excitement for this.
First of all, I am an organizer. I started out life as a stage manager, after all. I LOVE this kind of thing. Totally in my element. I don't need a spotlight, but I do enjoy a position where I can take charge--quietly--and keep things on track. This is my natural state of being.
Secondly, of all the things I could apply my skills and passion to, this is IT. I feel so incredibly passionate about adoption. I believe in it 100%. I believe in open adoption, I believe in support and communication and love, for everybody. And I believe that birthmothers hold a unique place, both in adoption society, and in the eyes of God. I cherish my fellow birthmothers.
I can't wait to continue this work. I can't wait for this conference! I can't wait to meet and talk with and listen to other birthmoms who care as much as I do, who want to improve lives, including their own. And strangely, I'm excited to share my own successes, and to give back what I can to my fellow birthmoms.
Adoption: It's About Love.
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